4 Questions to Ask Others to Deepen Your Relationships

When we take the time to ask purposeful questions, we create strong and fulfilling bonds with others.

The relationships in our lives, whether with family members, partners, or friends, are one of our richest sources of joy and purpose. And if we want to strengthen those relationships, we can start by facilitating meaningful conversations. “As human beings, we are social animals,” says Monica Vermani, C. Psych., a clinical psychologist and mental health advocate. “We thrive with connection, feeling connected to others, and having a sense of being accepted, included, and belonging.”

Vermani adds, “Any time — not just during the holiday season — is a good time to reach out, reinforce, and deepen our authentic connections with others,” she says, “But this time of year can be stressful or isolating for many people,” which is why reaching out during the holidays specifically is important. When we take the time to invest in our relationships by asking creative, meaningful questions, we create long-lasting bonds that are both deep and fulfilling. 

If you’re not sure what to ask, here are a few questions to help you spark meaningful conversations:
 

“How are you celebrating the holidays or new year this year?”

Not everyone has elaborate plans, and not everyone even celebrates the holidays in the first place, so consider reaching out and inviting your friends to join you in your planned celebrations or for another activity. “You could include them in a get-together, invite them to a dinner, and ask that they contribute one of their favorite dishes to the menu,” Vermani suggests. “Or you could make plans to spend time with them doing something you enjoy together, like a visit to an art gallery, a walk, lunch, or shopping.” Vermani also says it can be meaningful to ask others about their traditions and culture. “This not only expands our knowledge and understanding of other cultures and social norms, but it can deepen a friend's sense of connection and belonging.”
 

“What are you doing to take care of yourself right now?”

Checking in with the people around you to ask what they’re doing for themselves can be a meaningful conversation-starter. Ask the people around you what they’re doing to recharge, and what’s helping them de-stress as the holidays approach. Vermani says it can even remind you to do something nice for yourself. “Many of us spend so much time pleasing other people, and letting ourselves down in the process,” she says. Simply asking someone else what they’re doing to take care of themselves can serve as a reminder to prioritize your own self-care.
 

“Can I bring you groceries tomorrow, or walk your dog on Tuesday?”

If you know someone in your life is struggling, don’t be afraid to offer help –– whether they need someone to drive them to an appointment, drive their kids to soccer practice, or walk their dog. But make sure to offer specific help, rather than asking “how can I help?” –– as this question can put more pressure on them, not less. By getting specific, you’re taking some of the burden off of them and allowing them to say “yes” without explanations. 

“What’s one thing from this year you’re grateful for?”

“Many people who celebrate the holidays feel pressure, financially, socially, or inter-personally,” Vermani says –– so prompting others to ask themselves to reflect on something positive from the year can be a meaningful way to connect. Ask the people around you what’s one thing they’re grateful for these days, or one thing that has made them happy this year. Chances are, they’ll appreciate the reminder to tap into gratitude, and it will spark a purposeful conversation.